The Time The Sticks Abandoned Me

Sticks Author: Steve

You can ask anybody and they’ll tell you that I’m terrifically heroic.

It comes first probably from my physical gifts.  I basically feel obligated to save people and animals and to do what’s right and aggressive and patriotic for my country.  When you are blessed with a 40-inch waist and hidden cheekbones, you either pose for the NBA logo or you live out your life as a comic book legend.

So it’s the life that chose me really.  I didn’t choose it, but I do what I must since the Spiderman movies taught me about great power coming with great responsibility and movie reboots after broadway debacles.

So this weekend I am heroically going to our nation’s Capital to ensure that the food and booze there is free from toxins and global warming and mistreated livestock.  I’ve got a great way to do this.  I’ve done it before.  I know what I’m doing.  Rest easy America.

The rest of The Sticks, who could maybe shoulder some of the heroic burden every freaking once in a while, are performing here in Connecticut.


Prancing around on the stage PRETENDING.  Yucking it up to feel better about themselves while I am off protecting our civil disobedience liberties and lecheries.  By the time I’m on my 21st selfless act of bingeness or maybe brushing up on the latest techniques at the International Spy Museum, they’ll be basking in the glow of their impact on an audience.  Cowards.

Anyway, heroism is lonely work and only the most humble can do it as awesomely as I do.  No need to worry about me.  My wife will be witness to my spectacle and it will reinforce all of the reasons she’s chosen to settle.

If you’re able, go give The Sticks a piece of my patriotic mind.  They’ll be the guest performers at Sea Tea Improv’s long form showcase tonight 3/16.  7:30, Studio At Billings Forge in Hartford right next to Firebox restaurant (one of the best places to eat in the state).

Watch for me on CNN!

Leave a comment


  1. jenf70

     /  March 17, 2012

    This is one of the funniest posts I’ve ever read!! You were very missed, but I’m glad you are making the world a safer place for carnivores, party-ers and random train jumping hobos in the Nation’s Capital!

  2. improvhobby

     /  April 20, 2012

    Hi, Sjones! In the process of changing over the blog to Don’t know how easy a transition it will be but just wanted to make sure I was doing my due diligence.


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