Potent Potables: Drunk Improvising

Sticks Author: Steve

Bold!  Brave!  Bespectacled! Besmirched!

Also blitzed and drunky drunk drunk.

I’m normally not in any position to give advice to those about to (rock) improvise, but I am an authority on having too much to drink.  So.  Friends!  Don’t do as I say.. or, you know.. don’t say what I do.. or SHIT!  Do as I would do unto others or something.

What I mean is, don’t decide -that’s right DECIDE! – to have too much to drink during your improv rehearsal.  It’s disrespectful to your fellow troupe members.  Especially the ladies because you’ll say some shit to them about their boobs and things while you are drunk.  It’s not really all that disrespectful to the guys I guess because they like boobs too most of the time.  But the ladies, those frigid, frigid ladies will give you some icey, icey stares.

But let’s just say that you do decide to have too much to drink during your improv rehearsal, here are some things that might happen or may have happened to me or whatever why are you judging me?

First, you’ll have decided ahead of time to stick your buddy with the task of organizing the whole rehearsal.  So, don’t let him drink too.  Seriously.  That dude likes to tie one on and you’re going to have to be forceful.  You need to say something like “Hey, Chris M.  It’s all you baby!  I am SO drinking tonight.  Gonna make me loose!  Bitch!  Gonna be free-eee-eeee so.. free-eee-eeeee.”  He’ll make a break for the booze, but you’re on to his hip fakes.

Second, you’ll be convinced that it’s gonna make you loose and free.  This does in fact happen.  But you’re going to need to compensate for being all booze addled and dizzy and parched and loud and then soft and loud again and now portraying a cartoonishly flamboyant homosexual again.  And again.  Goddamn you are funny!

Third, you’re normally the guy who is a bit obsessed with rules.  You think the smart alecky rules like “there are no rules” are filthy lies spread by filthy whores of untruth.  You argue for structure and adherence to it.  Now you drink and you’re doing okay.  You explain and reiterate rules and who goes next and why that person goes next and who tags out when and why it’s important to remember your turn and it’s soon to be your turn and here it comes it’s your turn and shit whose turn is it and what am I supposed to do and am i the last one in La Ronde and no it’s not me but i’m thirsty I need to pee I just peed a minute ago do they all see how much peeing I’m doing did i just pee in my pants and SCENE!

Things probably get a bit foggy after that.  But just remember, when drinking at improv rehearsal….

There are truly no rules.

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3 Comments

  1. jen

     /  January 21, 2011

    HA!!!!!! This is the greatest blog post ever written in the history of blog posts!

    Reply
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